How do you like my story so far?

Clouds at my zenith.
No colors but the blueness of the August sky and an occasional burst of white from a passing cloud. The sand, spread around by the ebbing tide, tickled at my bare skin and weaved their blades into my hair. The sun, with its thermal waves of gentle heat, pulsed along the ground as it made its descent into the western horizon. My eyes, bewitched by the spell of the throbbing sunlight, attained an extent amount of weight, and my muscles were not trained for this type of enchantment.
As my eyes matched with the sun to both of their descents, my dull ears picked up a sound other than the ringing silence of the beach. The weight from my eyes seemed to have departed, and they opened quickly to see the source of the odd stuttering sound.
The very first thing that I saw was the bleeding reds and purples as they scattered across the twilight sky, covering the atmosphere with a thick layer of the remnants of fingers of sunlight. The sun was stretching out its last dying arm as it sank to its death into the darkening horizon, where the ground seemed to rise up to meet it.
I look down and see a crab crawling across my foot. I jump in surprise at the hard touch, but I suppress my cry as I scramble out of its path. My terrifying fear of the little crustaceans had not ceased at the least since my last visit here, and I was wary of its presence as it skittered away. I finally turned my eyes away from the little crab, and turned my attention to the dying sunlight. It was getting dark and my mother would want me home soon. But this beach was so beautiful and peaceful that I didn’t want to leave its serenity and go back to the hustle and bustle of the chaos at home. Moving boxes, strange men that moved more of our stuff into the big house we lived in now, and the stresses of starting a new life, new school, new friends, new…well…everything. As much as I loved moving to the coast of Charlestown , South Carolina , I wasn’t the kind of person that adapted well to major changes.
Many more stresses threatened to fill my mind with their burdensome troubles, but I shoved them away with the pulsing heat and the gentle sound of the waves, as if they were calling to me, telling me that everything would be alright. I believed it, for it was never wrong. I could linger for a few minutes I told myself, mom wouldn’t be that mad with me if I was a little late. The smell of the salt in the air was intoxicating, and it was pulling me under its spell with a force that I couldn’t comprehend. I went here, underestimating its power, and I had been overwhelmed, but I didn’t care. I soaked in the beauty, the peace, like a person that had been starving for water for so long and finally received a pitcher-full of the satsfying drink.
I heard a person’s voice call my name. Confused, I turned and beheld the person standing in front of me. I jumped at how close he was; I didn’t hear him approach. His green eyes twinkled as they registered my surprise.
“Did I scare you?” he asked, his voice surprisingly low and deep.
I smiled. “A little, I didn’t hear you.”
“Ah. Hi. My name is Trevor Curtis.” He held his hand out and I took it, shaking it slowly. I pondered in my mind what he wanted from me, heck, how he even knew my name.
“I’m Meaghan Holmes.”
“I know.”
“That was my next question,” I smirked, “How do you know my name?”
“You’re the talk of the school. Kind of hard not to pick up a fact or two about you.”
“Oh. Awesome. I’ve only stayed here two days and I’m already the newest gossip. I thought I could hold that off for about a week or so.”
Trevor laughed. “Not in a bad way, you know.”
“Really?” I didn’t normally take praise well, and I was confused by how little, smart know-it-alls, beauty queens, and all the cool people would think of me highly. I was just the new girl.
“Yeah everyone was excited for you to come, but I wanted to meet the real person for myself before everyone else had a chance to mob you.”
“Oh boy.”
“Yeah, I thought it would be nice to give you fair warning.”
I laughed. “Thanks, Trev. Is it okay if I call you that?”
“Everyone does,” he replied.
“Awesome. I’m kind of glad I moved here.” I faced the sky, quickly darkening, and smiled.
“Really? I keep thinking the new girl as someone who hates where they are now and wishes that they were back home.”
“Are you kidding me?” I smirked, “I’ve love it here. I’m not that Midwestern kind of girl. I have a feeling I was born to live here.”
“Well, it’s good that you moved here then.”
“Yes, I was just begging to leave Kansas.”
He laughed, his green eyes lighting up amidst the fading light.
I glanced at the sun, now gone under the horizon and glanced at my phone’s clock.
8:25 pm.
“Oh my gosh I need to get home!” I snatched my keys out of my pocket and turned to leave. “Nice meeting you, Trev!” I left him standing there without another word.
I climbed into my car, bothering with the seat belt and jamming the key in the ignition, twisting it violent
sorry if it sounds a bunch like Twilight i didnt mean to it just kinda went along that way.
: /

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One Response to “How do you like my story so far?”

  • Math☻Nerd says:

    I love the details, and the way she explains things.
    It's a really nice start.
    The only thing is that it does sound a lot like twilight, "new girl" "talk of the school" and her being ordinary…

    I would suggest that she had some distinguishing trait, an niche so as to speak. That would deviate the start a little. And I think the ordinary characters who don't fit in anywhere, are making a too-high appearence. It has a good message making a character that way, but something done over and over loses appeal after a while.

    hope this helps, that was really good writing, keep it up! ☺

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